Jack speak

April 6, 2011

In the chaos that ensued as I packed ready for this trip I seemingly forgot one essential piece of kit – the Royal Marine dictionary.

Spending time with 'royal' is an education in itself. How or why they mix up and rename words for their own pleasure I don’t know. In fact, I’m not sure anyone knows. Is it not enough already for the military to abbreviate absolutely everything?!

One wonders whether servicemen and women speak to their families like this: “I need an ETA on my dinner because my CO needs me to confirm the TOA ASAP. Gen.”

Um, huh?

I guess it goes along with the whole desire to be individual and different from civilians like me.

Over the past few years as defence reporter for The Herald in Plymouth I have been given countless master classes in marine talk. So here I am once again unable to decipher whether:

(A) A marine is taking the mickey out of me

(B) Whether someone is asking me whether I would like a drink or need the loo

(C) If I’m ready to eat or run off somewhere.

Seriously, if you’ve ever talked to a serviceman – notably a Royal Marine – you’ll know exactly what I mean.

So while they might have only just left the UK for this current deployment to Afghanistan, it’s worth swotting up and rehearsing now in preparation for their return.

Here are a few definitions for you to get you started:

“Thredders” – tired or irritated.

“Galley” – canteen / dining facility (even though it’s not on a ship).

“Goffer” – fizzy drink (can of pop) or very big wave that soaks you through.

“Recce” – reconnaissance (as in ‘troop’).

“Scran” – food.

“Horrorcrockadockapig” (or something that sounds like that…) – ugly woman.

“Duff” – pudding.

“Icers” – cold.

“Redders” – hot.

“Pit” – bed.

“Wet” – drink.

“Hoofin” – good or awesome.

“Gucci” – awesome or good.

“Zero Alpha” – wife.

“Chad” – bad. (or as one marine put it… “picture your dad in drag” or indeed “that bloke from Nikelback”.

“Heads” – toilet.

“Essence” – good looking.

“Gopping” – not good looking.

“Slug” – sleeping bag.

“Racing spoon” – spoon.

“Gen” – genuine or truth.

Twitter: @tristan_nichols